My inner sanctum.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

To Do List for Wed (20/1/10)

1. Update resume and portfolio for Pico.
2. Pack / Tidy up wardrobe
3. Organize new room layout
4. Throw all the fucking junk away.
5. Go online and pay for the lost I/C shit.
6. Resist any urges to club.
7. Buy toto

Upcoming to do list once pay amount is known.

1. Give appointment letter to mum
2. Complete SIM application once pay amount is confirmed.
3. Do some accounting to see how much i can spend/save for new mac.
4. PROPERLY list down targets for 2010.

Mesmerized within time...

5:58 AM

Friday, January 15, 2010

I just wish my body isn't this weak. Please don't tell me my time is coming up.

Mesmerized within time...

5:16 AM

The mind is closing itself up.

Mesmerized within time...

3:37 AM

Saturday, January 09, 2010

All i yearn for is just you and me living at Japan for a year. After that, I'll die in peace.

But however, all of us do not get what we want.

Mesmerized within time...

5:49 AM

Saturday, January 02, 2010

I sometimes wish I could live with my heart instead of my brain.

First, lets see how my brain perpetuates the past year's events and looks forward into 2010.

2010 is here. 2009 has gone. The history is irrelevant. Lets focus on what is up ahead. Fuck the talk, its hard work that counts.

1) Dec trip to Tokyo.
2) Sound System for my Civic by June.
3) Bust my ass out for work.
4) Close yourself up more. You don't need burdens to drag you anywhere else.
5) Affectionate feelings are redundant. Money and status is far more important than an insignificant form of emotion.

Now, here is how my heart looks at it.

Memories are everything that keeps in check my humanity. All of the happy times and all of the fun events. There are too many to name. However, I can vividly remember each and everyone of them. The heart has finally broken free of its previous rusted chains. It is now open and willing to accept new things. However, the brain is restricting certain levels and posing many restrictions. The heart hopes that it can finally be free from it and not be in a battlefield with the thoughts of the brain. Life is all about experiencing and living it all. It wants to help as many people as it could possibly do. Motivate and lift people from their darkest corners. However, solutions cannot be thought of just from the heart. It yearns a certain level of warmth. It also yearns a level of acceptance.

So how does these two combinations look forth in 2010? Personally, I sincerely hope that my old cheerful and carefree self of 2005/2006 will be back.

Now, what about my tattoos? It is definitely not done to show it off to other people and tell them that I do have one as well. No, and never will it be the case. The significance of these tattoos is in a more cynical way to remind myself and certain others that I am not really a good person. And I would never fit the image of a model student. The final artwork of my body tattoos will be to showcase and embed memories from my past to remind myself of all the things that I had done wrong. It is done to remind myself of certain events. I have always told myself that Life is all about taking chances. I would rather regret doing certain things rather than not doing it.

However, as I have grown older. I have come to realize that Events can change people. but people can never change events. Bearing this principle in mind, I have grown to be a little bit more cautious when it comes into doing certain high risk ventures. Control and knowing the limit is within the grasp of success itself. However, by doing that, I am giving up a part of what I really am to nowhere.

Thus, today, I stand here in the new decade fighting a battle between my heart, and my brain. What happens this year would really change and impact my life for the rest of its entirety. Now, will 2010 be kind enough to me? Or will this year bring me down to my knees. Lets check back in 365 days to see how it has been.

Mesmerized within time...

12:41 AM